I have often felt that September / October has signified a new season. That may be because of when the school year begins (and so I’ve generally begun a new work schedule) or because of the new athletics season and a return to winter training. Nevertheless, since 2013, September / October has consistently led into new changes and phases in all aspects of my life that have caused me to be broken, moulded and transformed in a way that only God can. Little did I acknowledge that in the Biblical calendar (the calendar that the Lord Himself instituted) the Feast of Trumpets (which Jews today celebrate as “Rosh Hashanah”, the “Head of the Year” or New Year) generally falls in September/October. I’ve never been one who makes much fuss about the Jewish Calendar/Biblical feast; however, I can’t lie that during this latter end of August I began to feel an expectation arise in my spirit, and having now also discovered this information about Rosh Hashanah, it has, in a way, only increased my expectation.
I recently wrote the following as a depiction of where I am right now:
Picture a boat in the middle of still waters.
No land in sight.
Clear blue skies by day.
A beautiful star filled sky by night.
No paddles and no sail.
No map and no compass.
Only the cool gentle breeze to aid direction.
Where are we going?
Only He knows.
Another analogy that has been on my heart this morning (hence the title of this blog post) would be a pregnant woman.
...I mean a very pregnant woman.
One that in the natural would be considered overdue (however, we know that the Lord appoints the day of birth).
Picture a very pregnant woman.
So full that if she sneezed you’d think she‘d pop.
So strong, yet so fragile.
So capable, yet totally out of control.
When will this baby come?
Only the Lord knows.
Until that time she will continue to wait.
Until that time she will stay ready.
For any day now could be the day.
I’ve been in this valley for what feels like forever, that a part of me is almost apprehensive to even suggest we could be moving to the hills. I mean, I’ve thought we were coming out before and I’ve been wrong (for 2 years in a row!)…. But why is it that this year feels different? … Is it because I’m different?
These last 8 months have been pivotal at breaking me in a way that I didn’t know I needed to be broken, but that I’m so grateful for.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5 KJV)
This has been the message of my life that the Lord has been trying to birth in me. I can honestly now say, that since August 2018, this verse is now a reality for me. After almost 12 years of walking with Jesus, a lot of breaking, crying, frustrations, repentance and most importantly OBEDIENCE... I can finally say I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.
I guess I’ve finally come to the end of myself... there are no more thoughts that I could even think... I surrender.
So here I am. I have no plans, but I know what He has promised.
I don’t know what’s next, but I know His plans for me are good.
I have no work lined up, but I know He will provide.
I have no coach, but I know He is with me.
I don’t know how the Lord will get me from where we are now to where He has promised, but I’m excited.
I don’t know how the Lord will restore my marriage, but He will.
I don’t know how He will cause me to reach His leaders with His message, but He will.
All that I am and all that I have is His.
I can face anything and everything for surely He is my Rock.
So here I sit and here I wait.
For He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. 💕
“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6 KJV)