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  • by Torema Thompson.

I tried & I failed (by His grace 🙏🏾) — My 2021 so far.

Let me be honest... The 1st quarter of 2021 looked like me wanting my process to be over. …I was tired of the word "process", tired with Abba's EXTREMELY slow and tedious ways. Tired of enduring. Tired of the pain... It's not even like I wanted to see all the big promises in my life.... I just wanted to see something. You know… ANYTHING!? So... I essentially said, "Bun this man!", pulled up my sleeves and decided that I would do everything "I" could to move things along... so off I went... and do you know where that got me? Absolutely nowhere. It's unfunny but funny... I mean, the way Abba has even orchestrated my life means that at this point in the journey it's even IMPOSSIBLE for me to bring myself out of the grave... i.e. it literally has to be God that "resurrects" me. He categorically has to be the one to restore my life otherwise it's ALL impossible. But Abba knew I'd get frustrated at this point in the journey (again), so He already put the "safety locks" on (what a God! 🥺😢). I was seeing Him "withholding" as Him not caring about me, but actually, Him not giving me what I want is Him DISCIPLINING me because He loves me, because He DELIGHTS in me. Him causing me to WAIT (some more) is because He has something SO MUCH better. He loves me so much that He'll silently watch me fight hard in the back of HIS (moving) car to open the doors He's already locked for MY OWN PROTECTION. He loves me so much that He'll allow me to "try" or even "think" I could successfully escape His car (His plan & process) knowing full well that He has already ensured my completion (Philippians 1:6). He loves me so much that He will allow me to be frustrated and upset with Him (temporarily) because He sees the glory of the end destination and the eternal bond our relationship will enjoy on the other side. In my heart, I was starting to detest and grow weary of Abba's process. It just felt NEVER ENDING and honestly, I was TIRED. But today, Abba has shifted my perspective.

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” (Proverbs 3:11-12, NKJV)

For the first time in all my walk with the Lord, the word "DELIGHTS" has stuck out to me in the scripture above... It's like a lightbulb 💡 has genuinely gone off and, for the first time, I'm seeing Abba's discipline and PROCESS as an expression of His love towards me. i.e., He actually DELIGHTS in me. Just Wow. 🖤

If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment below and/or share it with a friend.

In His love always,

Torema xXx

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